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Podcast Donations

20/11/2015

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In the past I've donated some money to some of the awesome shows on the Earwolf network of podcasts.  I would love to donate more to help keep these shows around, but I'm on a very limited budget right now. (4 kids will do that)

Sales of the book have been very stagnant for a bit, but with the holiday season coming up I thought now would be a good time to try and get word of it out again.

I'm not entirely sure how I can get this to work, but what I would like to do is set up a promotion from now until the end of the year where I will donate half of my profits to some of my favorite Earwolf shows. If, by some miracle, listeners of those shows hear about this then they can buy my book from this website and just put a note during checkout with one of the following codes:

"PFT" - Spontaneanation
"CBB" - Comedy Bang Bang
"HDTGM" - How Did This Get Made
"LAPKUS" - With Special Guest Lauren Lapkus

So, if you've always wanted to donate to these shows but thought the couple bucks you could afford was too small, now you can still donate that money as part of a group and also get a book for a shitty Xmas gift for someone in the process.

I will also make note of everyone who donated and include a list of everyone with the final donations. If you don't want your name listed just let me know.
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2-013

17/10/2015

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They say that it's not good to find blood in your stool, but what if it was someone else's?
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2-012

25/7/2015

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I would think that someone who does a lot of cannonballs into a pool, without a swimsuit on, has a much cleaner anus than those who don't.

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Who Could Resist That Smile?

6/7/2015

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Does a cute baby sell books? So far, the answer is no, but that won't Stop me from trying!

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Latest Babyploitation

25/6/2015

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Shamelessly Using Baby To Promote Book

11/6/2015

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2-011

21/5/2015

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"WINE IS MURDER!" At least, that's what I've heard through the grape vine.

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Refer-A-Friend Contest Winners

13/5/2015

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I'm happy to announce the winners of the first promotional book giveaway contest:

Marc Cosford
Joe Edwards
Donna Rockwood
Gilbert Roy
Banny Semgsouriya

Congrats to everyone, and as promised your very own signed copy with bonus musing will be sent out in the mail very shortly!  If you like the book please spread the word and maybe put up a review on Amazon.  If you don't like the book, at least you didn't have to spend your hard earned money on that crap, right...? Maybe hand it off to someone you don't like as a gag gift or something.

Thanks to everyone who entered and to everyone who continues to spread the word about this ridiculous book I published.

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Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Parody

24/4/2015

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I know this isn't my usual musing, (which have been lacking recently due to a loss of focus during my commute to work because of a new podcast addiction) but I thought I would share this anyway.  If you don't know the song 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' by Bonnie Tyler then I suggest you watch it on youtube first.  Then read my lyrics below to the tune.  Enjoy!


Totally Shit When I Fart

Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit crampy
And my eyes are turning brown
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit rumbly
And wonder if I had too much beer
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit nervous
That my best pair of undies will die
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit terrified
As I know a shitter isn't nearby
Turnaround brown eye, cause every now and then I blow a shart
Turnaround brown eye, every now and then I blow a shart

And I need to flee the scene
And I need to run for cover
I shouldn't have had all those beans
I'll be regretting it forever
And it really was quite obscene
 

Smell and fecal matter together
They will prove that everything isn't fine

It is a stigma that will ruin a party all of the time (all of the time)
I don't know what to do and I'll always have that mark
My ass is like a chocolate fountain spraying out chunks
I'm gonna need a quick bath
Really wish my sphincter was tight
Really wish my sphincter was tight

Once upon a time there was white in my drawers
But now they're only stinky and dark
And there's nothing I can do
I totally shit when I fart
Once upon a time there was zilch in my gas
But now there's always some kind of mark
Something I will spray
I totally shit when I fart

Turnaround brown eye, every now and then I blow a shart
Turnaround brown eye, every now and then I blow a shart

And I need to flee the scene (And I need to flee)
And I need to run for cover I
shouldn't have had those beans (I shouldn't have)

I'll be regretting it forever
And it really was quite obscene ('Cause of all the crap)
Smell and fecal matter together
They will prove that everything isn't fine
It is a stigma that will ruin a party all of the time (all of the time)
I don't know what to do and I'll always have that mark
My ass is like a chocolate fountain spraying out chunks
I'm gonna need a quick bath
Really wish my sphincter was tight
Really wish my sphincter was tight

Once upon a time there was white in my drawers
But now they're only stinky and dark
And there's nothing I can do 
I totally shit when I fart
I totally shit when I fart
I totally shit when I fart
Turnaround brown eye
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2-010

17/2/2015

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People told me I should have known my kid would be a little hellion, because of all the writing on the wall.

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    I'm a working class husband and father who loves comedy and tries desperately to be funny, as you can see here.

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